


Leave

by dracomalfoys



Series: Huxloween 2016 [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Abuse, Bonfire, Drunk Driving, Fights, Huxloween, M/M, Supernatural - Freeform, i apologize in advance bc this was originally going to have a happy ending and now not so much, semi-spooky?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 04:17:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8189584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dracomalfoys/pseuds/dracomalfoys
Summary: Ben has no control over his temper and it destroys everything around him.





	

Ben’s hands couldn’t stop shaking. He felt his anger and sadness course through every part of his body and he knew that soon it would be too hard for him to breathe. If only he could remember where he put his fucking inhaler.

He walked over to his dresser and pulled the top drawer open, expecting to find it a mess, but of course it wasn’t. Hux had managed to come in and mess with everything in his life, including this drawer. Ben supposed it wasn’t that bad of a thing in that moment because it was easy for him to spot what he was looking for.

He got the inhaler, shook it and took two puffs. He then threw it across the room and sat on his bed. It used to be their bed. His and Hux’s, but not anymore. Not since Hux had left him and even though Ben probably deserved it, he couldn’t stop himself from feeling the despair.

Hux was not a part of Ben’s life anymore. He hadn’t been a part of Ben’s life for more than a month and the thought had settled on Ben like a thick layer of dust that he couldn’t shake off.

“Fuck this.” Ben whispered. He took a deep breath and with a louder voice said, “Fuck this!”

He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t live in a place surrounded by Hux. Ben needed to get rid of it all. From his comb in their restroom to the ten pairs of dress shoes he claimed he needed. He needed to get away from it all.

Except he didn’t have anywhere else to go. All his money was tied up in their home, it wasn’t like he could just leave. Still, he couldn’t be around Hux and the constant reminder he left behind.

Ben hadn’t noticed the tears rolling down his cheeks, but he wiped them away all the same. “Fuck.”

He grabbed the first thing that he laid eyes on, Hux’s table lamp, and threw it against the wall. The loud shattering brought up memories he didn’t want to think about. Voices he wished he could forget.

_“You should really learn how to control your temper better. Acting like a child and throwing things won’t ever solve your problems.”_

Ben paled. He knew that it was his imagination and Hux wasn’t actually in the room. Hux had left him. He had gone and then gotten himself killed all because Ben couldn’t channel his anger in a way that wasn’t abusive. He had always been poison.

“I’m so sorry.” Ben closed his eyes and whispered.

Nothing answered back. Of course not. His mind couldn’t make up words that Hux never said and that night he hadn’t been sorry. He had only wanted to hurt Hux.

Despite wanting to, the scene played out in his head. The anger Ben had felt when he found out Hux had went behind his back to contact his parents. The feeling of being backed into a corner and knowing that the only way out for him was to kick and scream until he got his way. He should have known better. He should have known that it wouldn’t have worked on Hux.

Still…

_“I’m not behaving like a child!” Ben had yelled back immediately._

_“Yes. You are. You’re storming around, having a tantrum because you didn’t get what you want. You’re a fucking child, Ben.” Hux rolled his eyes. Ben grabbed the electronic clock on their bedside table and flung it toward him, but it missed. “See? A grown ass man would never throw things because they can’t articulate their feelings.”_

_“Fuck you.”_

_“Charming.” Hux sneered. “Clean this up. Dinner is almost ready and your par-_

_“They aren’t coming in this home.” Ben said._

_“I’ve invited them, so they are. The reason you aren’t talking to them is ridiculous, Ben and it’s destroying you. I may not like them much, but you love them and this whole thing has gotten out of hand.” Hux tried coming closer to his husband, but Ben’s glare stopped him half-way through. “When is this going to stop?”_

_“It’s not.”_

_“I can’t do this with you for much longer. This whole anger thing is only one step away from endangering me.” Hux said and finally, Ben knew what the whole purpose of this whole mess was._

_“You fucking asshole.” He stepped toward Hux. “You stupid, selfish, piece of shit asshole.”_

_“Ben…”_

_“No, fuck you, Armitage. Fuck you. You don’t want me when I’m like this? Fine.” Ben was only vaguely aware that he was backing him up against the wall. “Then you don’t have to have me.”_

_“Ben, you’re being ridiculous. I just want you to be hap-_

_“Don’t you fucking pretend like this is about making me happy!” He shoved Hux until his back finally hit the solid surface. “This is about you and your fucking inability to be there for someone. You just want to fucking throw the responsibility on my parents!”_

_“I don’t. I want to fucking help you, you imbecile.”_

_“Liar.” Ben said._

_“I’m not lying. I don’t lie to you, that’s fucking pointless. You seem to know everything, anyway.” Hux put his hands on Ben’s chest. “You need to stop and let me actually help you.”_

_“I don’t want your help.”_

_“Yes, well you need it.” Ben huffed in reply. Hux sighed. “Just get through this one dinner and then if you still don’t want them in your life, they’ll leave.”_

_“No.”_

_“Ben, please. If not for yourself, then for me. Look at us. Look at what you’ve done. If you care at all about me then you’ll make sure this never happens again.”_

And that had done it. That had made Ben stop, at least for that moment.

The dinner with his parents was tense and awkward and really the only thing Ben could remember from that was hug his mother gave him at the end. Other than that, it was a blur.

Yet there were things that weren’t a blur. After his parents left, the memories Ben had become vivid again. Too vivid.

_“That wasn’t too bad.” Hux muttered while he took the plates to the kitchen._

_“If you ever do that again, I’m divorcing you.” Ben said and he was serious._

_“Ben, stop.” He placed the plates in the sink and turned to face Ben._

_“I’m not kidding. You ever betray my fucking trust like that again and I will leave you.”_

_“You’re being irrational. I didn’t betray your trust.” Hux rolled his eyes. “We already had this conversation. Besides, you should be cleaning up the mess you made in our room. I’d rather not have to sleep in that.”_

_“Then go.” Ben said._

_“What?”_

_“Leave. If you don’t want to sleep in the mess, if you don’t want to be around me like this, then leave. I don’t need you.” Hux’s eyes widened before settling down into a glare._

_“You’re such a fucking prick.”_

_“I was one when you married me, it’s not my fault you couldn’t keep up.” Ben hissed. Again, he didn’t notice how close he had gotten to Hux. He had him pressed against the counter, their faces inches apart._

_“It is your fault, Ben.”_

_“No it’s n-_

_“It is and it will always be. I fucking try to handle you, to help you and it all comes back to this. You blaming me for you being incapable of being a decent fucking person.” Hux said and pushed him away so he could slip out._

_Ben got one of the plates and threw it toward Hux’s feet. It shattered against the tile and Hux spun around. “What is your problem?!”_

_“You are.”_

_Hux just laughed. It was a tired and pained laugh. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t. I tried and you just make it impossible.”_

_“Then go.”_

_“I’m going to if-_

_“No! If you can’t do this, then go. Now!” Ben yelled. Hux looked at him and Ben could see it in his stance that he had given up._

_“Fine, Ben.” Hux walked toward the door and got his keys from the hook. “I’ll get my things in the morning.”_

_And then he was gone._

He hadn’t returned in the morning or the day after or the week after or the month. No, instead the next morning, Ben was met with two remorseful looking police officers and a request for him to follow him to the morgue to see if the body was his husband’s or not.

Of course it was. Ben still remembered the ice that ran through his veins the moment he saw the red hair peek out from the blue cover.

A car accident. A drunk driver. Two men who shouldn’t have been out on the road. One dead, one alive and relatively unharmed.

Ben had walked right out, barely muttering that it was indeed Hux and drove to the one place he didn’t think he could find comfort at.

His parents had answered and listened to everything, let him sob and fling things. His father drove him back home for clothes and drove him back. His mother hardly left his side.

She held his hand during the funeral, his father got rid of any alcohol they had in the house. Hux had been right, the bastard. He had needed his parents.

But, now he was back home and surrounded by everything that reminded him of how he fucked up and how his husband was no longer alive because of it.

He got up and walked to the closet. His fingers ran along all of Hux’s shoes before he started tossing them out. Then he did the same with Hux’s clothes.

Ben didn’t know exactly what he was doing, but soon the window was open and all of Hux’s possessions were being tossed into their backyard.

It took a few hours, but Ben thought that maybe the house was finally cleansed and he could get some peace now. Hux wouldn’t haunt him. Still, the things were still here and if he didn’t get rid of them, he’d only bring them back inside. He’d only cling to Hux that much longer and it would eventually destroy him.

He ran outside and saw the pile of clothes, books, shoes and other trinkets. Ben tried to find the metal bucket they kept firewood in, the big one Hux would use when it was cold outside and he’d invite his friends over to drink around a burning fire.

It sat in the corner of the yard, next to the lighter fluid and Hux’s pack of matches. Ben winced before getting it and hauling it over to the center of the yard.

It took about five minutes to fill the tin up and dump the lighter fluid over it all. He froze. Was he really going to do this?

Yes, he had to. He _had_ to.

With a switch of the match, he through the light in the bucket and watched everything catch in flames. It was warm against his cold skin.

Part of Ben wanted to panic. That was Hux. That was all he had left of his husband, but it was too late. Hux was gone. Hux’s things were gone now, too.

Maybe he needed to learn to move on in a less destructive way, but it was all Ben had known. So, that was how he was going to handle it.

He didn’t know how long he stood out there watching the flames and the smoke, but it was dark out now. The fire was slowly dying down and the cold was creeping back in on him.

Ben looked down and caught the glint on his finger. The ring. Hux had been buried with his, but Ben hadn’t taken his off.

Maybe he could keep this one thing.

But, no, he couldn’t. He knew he couldn’t.

He slipped it off his finger and fiddled with it before tossing it into the fire.

“I’m sorry. I love you and I’m so sorry.” Ben cried. His eyes burned, probably from the fire and smoke.

A cold chill wrapped around him and Ben felt a cold drop on his nose. No, not drop. It was a flake. It had started snowing.

He stayed staring at the fire for a few more seconds before deciding it was better to walk away. The snow would eventually put the fire out.

 

The next morning, Ben went to the backyard. A thick blanket of snow settled everywhere except for the tin. It was probably still warm. Ben sighed and walked over.

He stopped in his tracks. On top of the ash was a ring, unaffected by the fire, glinting in silver.

Hux’s ring. Not his.

Ben collapsed to the ground, ignoring the cold burying into his clothes. He pulled the ring out of the tin and looked at it.

Engraved, in fancy cursive, on the inside was the word that Ben, himself, had asked the ring maker to put in. Ben laughed. It might have been hysterical, but he didn’t care. The situation called for it. He must be delusional. Or dreaming. Because there was no way he could have Hux’s ring in his hand right now.

The ring with the promise that Ben couldn’t keep.

“Forever.”

**Author's Note:**

> This got out of my control and I apologize. I decided to add that supernatural element to the end because why not? I hope you enjoyed it! Next up: Meta Horror (whatever the heck that is)


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